Are you concerned about a child in your family, church, work place or neighborhood?

If you know that a child is being injured as part of discipline, is not getting their basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, medical care) met, is having sexual contact with an adult caregiver or being exposed to domestic violence in their home, then you probably have a child abuse situation on your hands.

These are serious situations and by being aware of them you are in the role of a bystander to child abuse. We strongly encourage you to take action. That could include calling and reporting the situation to your county child protection agency or the police. You do not have to give your name if you chose to report. If you are a mandated reporter, you must report.

Many parents (incorrectly) feel that if their children are not being directly hurt or attacked, violence in the home is not harming them. If a child is witnessing violence in their home, they are being conditioned to violence, which will affect their ability to keep themselves safe in the future. It is also likely affecting their ability to learn and grow normally. If you are aware of a child witnessing violence in their home, please consider taking action. You may report it to the county child protection agency. You can offer help to the victim of the violence. You can offer information about the effects of violence on children to the parents.

If you chose not to report you have other options: 

• Talk with the adult and share your concerns. It will likely work best if you take an approach of wanting to help rather than criticizing. You could let them know you are concerned about their child’s safety and ask if there is some way you could help.
• Talk with the child and let them know you are a potential support person. Ask them about their life and interests. Let them know you can be a listening ear for them.

Some situations are not as clear cut. Maybe you know a child who has bruises, marks, cuts, welts, burns, or other injuries that seem out of the ordinary. 

These can be serious situations. You may want to think about what other information you have about the family and child. 

• In general, if a child has a pattern of injuries that seem out of the ordinary this may be a sign of physical abuse and making a child abuse report to the county they live in is an option. You do not have to give your own name to make a report. Sometimes children may be more prone to injury, if that child has a special need (ADHD, Autism, Learning Disability, Physical disability). If you are unsure, gathering more information by expressing concern to parent or child may be the next step.

• Maybe you know a child is being left at home alone but you’re not sure if it is safe. Depending on the maturity of the child, most children can be left alone at home at age 8 for short periods of time, (2-3 hours). Children 11 and older can be allowed to care for younger children for periods of time (less than 10 hours and not overnight). Generally, children over age14 can be left overnight with close by adult assistance. 

If you have a concern, you may want to think about whether the concern you have represents an isolated situation. You could also monitor the situation and see if it occurs again.  You could offer help with child care. 

You may also want to consider whether the child in question is unusually mature or unusually immature. For example, if a child is age 7, is rather mature for his age and is left at home alone during the day for 30 minutes on one occasion it is likely not a reason for concern. On the other hand if an 9 year old child with special needs is left at home alone for 2 hours it could be a dangerous. 

Certainly, if you are aware of any danger resulting from a child being left home alone, contact the child protection agency in that county.

Maybe you know a child is allowed to watch adult oriented movies or material on the internet.

Again, you may want to think about the age and maturity of the child in question. A 16 year old looking at adult oriented material is certainly less of a concern than a 10 year old who is watching adult videos. 

Sometimes, a conversation with the parent can clear things up or be a point where you can offer a concern you have. As always, judging is not helpful and offering information or help is a better choice.

The following is a list of signs of possible abuse, they are also signs of general emotional or behavioral difficulties: 

•  Is the child timid and fearful of adults?
•  Is the child’s behavior aggressive or dangerous?
•  Are the parents stressed and frustrated with their children?
•  Does it appear that there is drug or alcohol abuse within the family?
•  Is the child running away from home?
•  Is the child appearing to be depressed or overly anxious?

The following guide will help you look at options and let you explore your concerns to determine if there is a genuine cause for concern or how you can help.

It is sometimes hard to tell the difference. Unless you have additional reasons to be concerned about the family, a more cautious approach may be best. Getting to know the parents and children in the family may help you understand more about the causes of concern. It may also give the child or parent an opportunity to share concerns directly, giving you an opportunity to help. Again if in doubt, a call to the child protection agency can help you sort out whether this is a reportable situation.

Last but not least here are some signs of sexual abuse:

•  Is the child too sexualized for his or her age?
•  Is a child acting sexually toward your children or other’s children in a way that is not age appropriate?

These are signs of possible child sexual abuse. Anytime a adolescent child is acting out adult sexual behaviors, there is a concern. Unfortunately, there is often not enough information to report abuse because the child has not shared who is abusing them or what exactly is happening. 

However, if a child forces your child into adult sexual behavior, you may report it to the police or child protection agency. If a child is three years older than your child and he/she engages your child into adult sexual activity, you may report this to the police or child protection agency. A talk with the parents, to inform them of their child’s behavior and let them know that this behavior may be a sign of abuse, is also an important step. 

Many children engage in normal exploratory behavior, which involves their sexual parts. However normal exploratory sexual behavior is done with age mates and it will not be forced or coercive in nature.

Again if you have concerns but not enough information to report, connecting more with the family (while keeping your own children safe) will help them come to you when they are able to tell about possible abuse. Sharing your concerns in a kind manner can also help an unaware parent learn information that will help them in the long run.

Here is a list of normal childhood exploratory behaviors for children ages 5 to 10:

• Playing doctor
• Pretending to be parents
• Kissing and hugging
• Looking at each others sexual parts
• Asking questions about how babies are made
• Asking questions about menstruation
• Asking about sex in general
• Asking about differences between the genders
• Touching their sexual parts when alone or at home

This is a guideline, if for any reason a child seems to be overly focused on sexual play, is forceful in this play, or playing in a sexual way with a much younger child (3 years or more), it is a reason for concern.

If a child is running away from home, it may be a signal that the child is experiencing abuse however it may also be a sign of other emotional, behavioral, or chemical health problems. If you know of a child who has run from home, you may wish to ask the child directly why they left home. Keeping a child in your home when the parents have not given permission is illegal. There are shelters for runaway youth in many communities so if you are concerned about possible abuse of a runaway child, you may want to offer them help finding a safe place to stay (not at your house) while they work things out.